Discovering that your pastor or church leaders hold views that clash with your own can feel like a gut punch. You've invested time, energy, and heart into building relationships within your church community—sharing meals, serving together, praying through tough times. Then, something surfaces: perhaps a sermon snippet, a social media post, or a casual conversation reveals their stance on Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) policies. Maybe you hoped they'd speak out against certain practices, only to find they're supportive. Or conversely, you discover they're critical when you expected alignment. This revelation can stir deep hurt, confusion, and even a sense of betrayal. It's normal to feel broken in these moments, as if the safe space you cherished has shifted beneath your feet.

Remember, no one has a monopoly on truth. There are always things your pastor is right about and things they're wrong about, just as there are areas where you're spot-on and others where you might need growth. The Bible reminds us of this humility in handling disagreements. In the book of Jude (NIV), we're called to contend for the faith amid challenges, but with mercy at the core. Jude warns against ungodly influences that divide and pervert grace (verses 4-16), yet he shifts to a compassionate response: "Be merciful to those who doubt; save others by snatching them from the fire; to others show mercy, mixed with fear—hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh" (Jude 22-23). This isn't about condoning error but loving the person while rejecting harmful actions. Jude urges us to build ourselves up in faith (verse 20) and extend grace, even when views clash. It's a blueprint for disagreeing without dehumanizing—hating the "stain" of sin or error, but showing mercy to the individual.

So, how do you apply this over the next few weeks? Begin with Actively Listening. Brokenness often grows when we feel unseen or unheard, so slow down and create space for genuine understanding.

In the first week, reflect on your own feelings: Journal about why this stance hurts you. What values does it touch? Then, approach a conversation with your pastor or a trusted leader. Schedule a one-on-one coffee chat or Zoom call, framing it positively: "I've been thinking about recent events, and I'd love to hear your perspective on ICE policies." Listen without interrupting—nod, ask clarifying questions like "What experiences shaped that view?" or "How do you see this aligning with Scripture?" This isn't about debating; it's about seeing them as a fellow believer, flawed like you. As Jude models, contend for truth mercifully, but first, understand.

Next, lean into Encouraging Speaking. Voices silenced by fear or shame need invitation back into the dialogue. If your pastor's view surprises you, encourage them to elaborate: "Can you share more about why this matters to you?" This builds trust and might reveal nuances you hadn't considered—perhaps personal stories of immigration, law enforcement ties, or biblical interpretations on authority (like Romans 13).

But don't stop there; encourage your own voice too. Share honestly: "This stance challenges me because of my experiences with [immigration/affected communities/etc.]." The goal is mutual vulnerability, restoring gospel-centered community where everyone feels heard.

Over the first week, aim for one or two such conversations. Follow up with prayer, perhaps meditating on Jude's doxology (verses 24-25), praising God who keeps us from stumbling. In week two, expand to small group discussions if it feels safe—maybe with a few members who share your concerns. Use prompts like "How can we love one another amid differing views on social issues?" This practices Actively Listening on a broader scale, monitoring for any rising tension that could lead to burnout.

By week three, reflect on what you've learned. What differences can you live with? For instance, if the core gospel remains shared—salvation by grace, love for neighbor—perhaps this is a secondary issue you can navigate. Jude reminds us that divisions come from scoffers without the Spirit (verses 18-19), but mercy bridges gaps. If the stance reveals deeper misalignments, like unloving attitudes, pray for direction. The aim isn't to leave but to discern: Are these differences surmountable through ongoing dialogue?

That said, sometimes a break is needed for healing and rest—God's design, not laziness. If conversations leave you feeling more broken or burnt out, step back gracefully. Communicate: "I value our community, but I need time to process." During this pause, connect with us at Unquittable Church for support. Visit unquittablechurch.com to download our free Church Experience Assessment, which helps reflect on your feelings. Enroll in our self-paced workshop on the 6 Unquittable Actions, starting with listening and speaking to rebuild from hurt. Join our online community for stories from others who've walked this path, or schedule a mentorship video call via the site. Our blog at unquittablechurch.com/blog offers articles on rediscovering your spiritual spark amid church challenges, providing rest through Sabbath rhythms and purpose through passion discovery.

Ultimately, handling a pastor's differing views on ICE—or any issue—calls us to Jude's mercy: Love the person, contend wisely, and build up in faith. By Actively Listening and Encouraging Speaking, you honor God's call to community, turning potential fractures into opportunities for growth. You're not alone; healing awaits.

Here are a couple of gentle, open-ended questions to help you or your small group process this further:

1. What parts of my pastor's perspective on this issue (or similar issues) make me feel most hurt or unheard, and how might Actively Listening to their story help me see them as a person God loves, even in disagreement?
2. In what ways can I Encourage Speaking—both inviting others to share and courageously voicing my own concerns—while keeping Jude 22-23 in mind: showing mercy mixed with appropriate boundaries?